Communicating, but not Connecting
I had a rough day yesterday. Nothing particularly terrible happened; it was a fairly normal day, in fact. Wake up. Breakfast. Sit down to write. Delete everything I just wrote. Try again. Fail. Go to work. Yeah, pretty normal. I don’t know what it was. Less than a month ago I missed an entire night’s sleep because I could not praise and thank God enough. Yesterday I wanted to throw every last possession through my window and yell, “There! Everything else is gone, Lord, and I am ready to follow! Just lead me somewhere!” And I heard nothing.
Answer me quickly, LORD, my spirit fails. Don’t hide your face from me, or I will be like those going down into the Pit. Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You. Reveal to me the way I should go, because I long for You. — Psalms 143:7-8
I think I just felt alone yesterday. I guess I have felt that way for a couple of days now. Have you ever been in that place where you just feel cut off from the rest of the world? Even when you have seen most everyone within the last week? That is exactly where I am right now. Communication has not ceased, but I feel like connection has.
I wish it were only people from whom I feel disconnected. If I could hear God speaking to me, telling me that He still loves me even when I’m alone, I think I would be fine. But I cannot even hear that. I feel just like David in the end of Psalm 42: I will say to God, my rock, “Why have You forgotten me? Why must I go about in sorrow because of the enemy’s oppression?”…Why am I so depressed? Why is this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God. (vs. 9,11).
I realize that a good portion of this is my fault. I have not initiated communication (both worldly and spiritually) like I should be. If I want to make a connection, I am going to have to take the first step, I get it. But it just feels so good to have other people desire to connect with me, you know? In fact, one of the highlights of my day yesterday was a good friend writing on my Facebook wall. Nothing deep, just saying hi, but it brought a really big smile to my face. So thanks to her! I know that everyone is busy, especially this time of year, so I am going to make more of an effort to let the people I care about know that they are special to me. Not quite the same as having them tell me, but at least it will spark some dialogue, which will do for now.
I wish I had an inspirational verse to close this with, but in truth, they are still ringing hollow in my ears. Even the last few lines of Psalm 42, which I quoted earlier, only provides a little bit of comfort. I know that God has not abandoned me, but I still feel disconnected. I will do the only thing that I know to do, because I know that it will work no matter how far off it seems, and that is to continue to seek the presence of God.
I know that each of you has felt like this before. What do you guys do when you feel alone and disconnected? Do you have any particular Scripture that you like to read? Any special tips for staying connected through the chaos of the holidays? I would love to hear your thoughts.
2 Responses to “Communicating, but not Connecting”
Hey Eric,
Have to say I love reading your blog so I’m going to subscribe.
I know what you mean about feeling disconnected sometimes… When I do, I shut the door and sing to the Lord
Just kinda sit down and worship and love Him…
Will pray that you experience a greater connection this holiday season!
Hannah
Thanks Hannah, I am glad you enjoy it!
I hope you two are doing well, I haven’t seen you in forever. Take care and have a wonderful Christmas.
Leave a Reply